The Neurodivergence Workbook by Dr. Z

How To Communicate Without Words

Nonverbal communication in neurodivergent individuals often
unfolds in uniquely nuanced ways. For many, traditional cues like facial
expressions, body language, and eye contact might not align with societal
norms. This isn't a limitation but rather a different mode of experiencing and
expressing the world.

How To Be Coordinated

TIP: To improve the coordination of eye contact and gestures, practice in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend. Focus on maintaining natural eye contact by looking at the bridge of the other person’s nose if direct eye contact is too intense. Use deliberate gestures that match your words and practice them during conversations to make them feel more natural. Gradually, these behaviors will become more comfortable and automatic.

How To Match With Feelings

TIP: To make your facial expressions match your feelings more accurately, try practicing in front of a mirror or recording yourself in different scenarios. Observe how your facial expressions change with your emotions and adjust as needed. Another helpful approach is to engage in role-playing exercises with a trusted friend or therapist, allowing you to receive feedback and improve your expressiveness in a safe environment.

How To Display Emotions

TIP: To learn how to appropriately display your emotions, try practicing facial expressions in front of a mirror to become more aware of how your emotions are displayed. You can also record yourself in different scenarios to see how your expressions vary. Working with a friend or therapist for feedback can be helpful. Additionally, mindfulness exercises can increase your awareness of your emotions and help you adjust your expressions to more appropriately match your feelings.

How To Soften Your Gaze

TIP: Practice softening your gaze by looking slightly to the side or above the person's eyes instead of directly at them. This can help reduce the intensity of your stare. Additionally, try to break prolonged eye contact by occasionally glancing at other objects in the room. Engaging in active listening and nodding can also make your eye contact appear more natural and less intimidating. If possible, seek feedback from friends or family to improve and adapt your eye contact in a comfortable and appropriate manner.

STAY CALM AND CARRY ON!

Getting it together mentally ... involves the learning of several internal skills: 1) learning how to get the clearest possible picture of your desired outcomes; 2) learning how to trust yourself and perform at yours best and learn from both successes and failures; and 3) learning to see “nonjudgmentally”—that is, to see what is happening rather than merely noticing how well or how badly it is
happening. This overcomes “trying too hard.” All these skills are subsidiary to the master skill...: the art of relaxed concentration.--W. Timothy Gallwey

When You're Having Your Photo Taken

TIP: To make smiling and having appropriate facial expressions in photos easier, practice in front of a mirror to become more comfortable with your smile and expressions. Visualize a happy or pleasant memory to help evoke a genuine smile. Additionally, practicing deep breathing and relaxation techniques can help reduce anxiety and make it easier to display the desired expression naturally.

How To Make Eye Contact

TIP: To make eye contact more comfortable, try practicing with a therapist, trusted friend or family member in a relaxed setting. Start by making brief eye contact and gradually increase the duration as you become more comfortable. Additionally, remind yourself to breathe deeply and stay relaxed during conversations. Breaking eye contact occasionally to glance at other areas can help reduce the intensity of direct eye contact and make interactions feel more natural.

How To Maintain Eye Contact

TIP: To address this, practice maintaining eye contact during conversations by focusing on the bridge of the person's nose if direct eye contact feels too intense. Additionally, remind yourself to occasionally glance back at the person's face after looking away to show engagement and attentiveness. Practicing with a friend or in front of a mirror can help you become more comfortable and natural in maintaining eye contact.

How To Manage Voice Volume

TIP: If you have been told that you often speak too loudly, too softly, or too quickly to be easily understood, try practicing your speech with a trusted friend or family member who can provide honest feedback. Recording yourself and playing it back can also help you become aware of your speaking habits. Additionally, practicing deep breathing and pausing between sentences can help you control your volume and pace better. Joining a public speaking group or taking a speech course can further enhance your communication skills and boost your confidence.

How To Stick To Your Pattern

TIP: To manage this, try to become more aware of your natural speaking style by recording yourself during conversations and listening to the playback. Practice speaking with a trusted friend or family member who can provide feedback on whether you are slipping into imitation. Focus on maintaining your own accent and speech patterns by rehearsing common phrases or sentences that reflect your natural voice. Additionally, mindfulness techniques such as deep breathing and staying present in the moment can help you remain grounded in your own speech style during interactions.

How To Vary Your Speech

TIP: To add more variation to your speech, practice reading aloud with different emotions and intonations. Try recording yourself and playing it back to identify areas for improvement. Joining a drama or public speaking group can also provide opportunities to enhance your expressiveness and receive constructive feedback. Additionally, practicing deep breathing and relaxation techniques can help you feel more comfortable and confident in varying your tone during conversations.

How To Stay Engaged

TIP: To address not being cold, detached, or bored, practice active listening techniques such as nodding, maintaining appropriate eye contact, and giving verbal acknowledgments like "I see" or "Interesting." This can help convey your engagement and interest in the conversation. Additionally, try to be more expressive with your facial expressions and body language, which can help communicate your emotions more effectively. Practicing in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend can help you improve.

How To Read Body Language

TIP: To improve your ability to read facial expressions and body language, try observing people in different social settings, such as parks, cafes, or gatherings. Pay attention to their gestures, posture, and facial expressions, and take note of the emotions they might be conveying. Practice by watching movies or TV shows with the sound off to focus solely on the actors' non-verbal cues. Additionally, consider seeking feedback from trusted friends or family members on how well you interpret their non-verbal signals.

How To Recognize Sarcasm

TIP: To better understand sarcasm, familiarize yourself with common sarcastic phrases and tone. Watching comedies or TV shows known for their sarcastic humor can help you observe how sarcasm is used in context. Ask trusted friends or family members to point out when they are being sarcastic to help you learn to pick up on subtle cues. Additionally, improving your overall understanding of social cues, such as facial expressions and tone of voice, can aid in recognizing sarcasm more effectively.

WHAT IS CHARACTER?

Fundamentally, character is about who we are and what we stand for. Thomas Lickona wrote: Good character consists of knowing the good, desiring the good, and doing the good—habits of the mind, habits of the heart, and habits of action. . . . When we think about the kind of character we want for our children, it’s clear that we want them to be able to judge what is right, care deeply about what is right, and then do what they believe to be right—even in the face of pressure from without and temptation from within. Russell Gough wrote, “Character is what you are in the dark”.--Reiner Martens

NONVERBAL COMMUNICATION