“My spouse doesn’t want to come to counseling… What should I say or do?”
If your spouse refuses to join you in couples counseling, he or she will often invoke one or more “reasons” such as, “It’s too expensive” (the money reason); or, “I don’t see how it can help” (the effectiveness reason); or, “We can work on this without a third party” (the do-it-yourself reason); or, “I don’t see the point, it’s too late” (the hopelessness reason); or, “I don’t know what to do” (the clueless reason); or some variation on these themes.
What should you do?
In the face of these objections, starting a fight, leaving the house, asking your spouse to leave, giving ultimatums, filing for divorce, or using physical force will NOT work to remove his or her objections. The best recommendation, as far as behavior is concerned, is to try and communicate with your spouse either verbally or in writing.
What should you say?
The communication should be centered around offering reasons why getting professional help is a good idea.
First, start by accepting that your spouse may not be motivated to work on the marriage “to make it better” but may be willing to try and discern whether the marriage should continue at all… Read the rest of this article